Westminster one week on

This time last week I was in Westminster, this isn't an unusual place for me to be as the organisation I work for's head office is based there. But last week, on the 22nd March I was there when the attacks took place outside the Houses of Parliament.

I want to start by saying that I was fortunate enough not to be involved in or witness the attacks, but being in the vicinity affected me in a way that I still can't describe but more deeply than I thought it would. I wanted to write this blog post to remind myself of how I felt that day. 

However, one week on the shock has subsided and I have made my way through what I can only describe as the 'fog' that I was floating in in the days following the attack. I've been sitting here, fingers poised at the keyboard ready for the words to come out as freely as they did last week. But they won't. In the days following I found it difficult to simply just 'carry on as normal', but my Britishness has caught up with me and whilst this has helped me look forward it isn't helping me with what I set out to do.

After sitting here for a while I remembered an email that I'd sent to BBC Radio London the day after. I don't normally listen to Radio London but my Mum does and she told me that they were speaking about the attacks all day the following day. You may think its strange to want to keep going back to an event that was so unpleasant, but hearing others talk about it felt comforting and made me realise that it was ok to feel as deeply as I did. It compelled me to write in to Jo Goode's show with my experience to remind others that it was ok to feel however they felt, even if they weren't directly involved. It felt odd at first and I spent an hour or so deliberating over whether I should, but I did and I'm glad. My email got read out on the show, which you can can listen to BBC iPlayer for the next 24 days (my email is read out about 1 hour and 25 minutes into the show).

So I hand over to my last week's self, she can articulate what I wished to say much better than I can:

Hi Joanne,

I live and work in Hertfordshire but was working in Westminster yesterday in my organisation's head office which is round the corner from where the attacks took place.

I was fortunate enough not to witness or be involved in the attacks but to be so close to it and see such horrific events take place somewhere where you visit frequently has shaken me considerably. I walked past Westminster Bridge and The Houses of Parliament on my way to work and was in the area on my lunch break an hour prior to the attacks

I can't stop thinking about PC Keith Palmer and the fact that I probably walked past him a couple of times that day, both of us with no idea of what was to come. Thinking of PC Palmer, Aysha Frade and the others that lost their lives, are critically injured and their families has moved me to tears many times over the last 24 hours and I'm finding it difficult to carry on as normal.

I have felt silly at times feeling so affected by something I wasn't directly involved in, but to those who are also feeling like me. There is no shame in feeling compassion and loss for your fellow human beings. Compassion, kindness and love are what makes us good human beings.

My heart goes out to the people that have lost their lives, their families and those who are still fighting for their lives and my gratitude goes out to the emergency services who looked after us all yesterday and every day. It reinforces my opinion that first aid should be taught as standard in schools and is a skill that we should all have. Inspired by MP Tobias Ellwood I will be renewing my first aid certificate.

Many thanks and have a great day

Holly Finnigan 

As I said in my email to the show I did feel silly and even not 'entitled' to feel how I did. But I know that I'm right and that compassion, kindness and love are what makes us good human beings and we should all strive to live these values in our day to lives, even if others do return it.

I know that the 22nd March 2017 will stick with me for the rest of my life and my heart goes out to all those whos lives have changed forever as a result of that day.

Holly

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