I said when I started this blog that it would be a completely honest account of all things marathon, and that is what this post is about to be. It may sound mad to get so emotional about putting one foot in front of the other but I have really learnt over the last couple of weeks that training for a marathon is a truly personal experience and not always a good one. I knew there would be low times but I thought that those points would be related to not feeling too great about running 8 miles on a cold and drizzly Thursday afternoon after work, I didn't expect to feel like I have felt over the past couple of weeks.
I hope this post doesn't come across as too negative. I just want be honest with myself more than anything, so that when I look back when my brain is clouded with the memories of the London atmosphere on the 13th of April and the feeling of crossing the finish line...I can stop and remember that no, sometimes...it just sucked!
I was genuinely really enjoying training, I've loved seeing the miles clock up on the Nike+ app, being able to run further and further and feel my muscles get stronger and stronger (and maybe being able to munch on a few more treats). But the week before last it all just suddenly became a burden, the way my shifts fell meant that it was just getting in the way of everything and I was having to squeeze my life around it to the point of exhaustion. One day the only way I had time to fit in a run was to use it as a mode of transport to take me to my boyfriend's house (which also meant that I had to run back the next day). I sat at work last Friday having a bit of a bitch about it and coming out with hyperbolic statements such as "I wish I'd never bothered signing up", "It's the worst thing ever", "I don't want to do it anymore".
I was also worrying about the fundraising side of it and the prospect of having to raise £1800. I was previously really excited about the prospect of getting some local press coverage to generate some cash to top up my fundraising but it was looking like at one point that things weren't going to shape up the way I'd hoped and it really got me down.
I tried to get in the mindset of 'new week, new start' but last week was even worse. I managed Monday and Tuesdays runs but by Wednesday I just couldn't face it. I got up in time to do 6 miles before work and there was no physical reason why I couldn't run, but I stood in front of the bathroom mirror in my onesie to have my head and my feet tell me that it wasn't going to happen today. I felt really guilty about it all day and tacked on an extra 3 miles to Thursdays run.
I let myself down again on Saturday by doing 8.5 miles instead of 14. I'd been working all day and then had to go and get my photo taken for the article thats hopefully going to be going in the local paper. It was all getting a bit late, cold and rainy so I made the decision before hand to cut it short. The saving grace was that I actually had a really good run with my running buddy Emma. She assured me that its normal to feel like I do and that sometimes its ok to shove the schedule. I ran faster than I normally do and it was the first time in 2 weeks that I actually felt good about and enjoyed running.
I've been back on track this week but I'm still not loving it to the extent that I was a few weeks a go. Yesterday marked 2 months till the big day and the way I'm feeling right now it can't come soon enough. I'm really looking forward to just running for the love of it and not just because I have to.
I'm really going to push next week, try to enjoy it and remember why I decided to do this.
Has anyone else feeling like this about the marathon at the moment? 58 days to go...
Keep on running (whether you have to or because you want to)
Holly
x
On a lighter note...heres a picture of me just after stacking it in the mud on mile 5 of 16 a few weeks a go. Despite the Hitchin Hoop being all bogged up and me falling in it, I really enjoyed this run.
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